


it will return: regret

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Comforting Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad Katsuki Yuuri, Self Confidence, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 12:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9548993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: drying his hands and turning around, viktor finally gets a better look at yuuri. puffy eyes, shaky hands, and quick glances to the floor. quickly thinking, viktor decides to pry but not too much; he wants yuuri to feel safe with him.oryuuri finally tells viktor about his mental health (and shows him, too).





	

the world thought yuuri katsuki was a lot of things. phenomenal. amazing. inspirational. but yuuri himself, could only use one word to describe his whole being. regret. regret for failing during the grand prix finals. regret for letting japan down (and his family). and maybe there was some regret for being born, but aside all those, his biggest regret of all was not making any real friends. because if he did, they could stop him from what he was about to do.  
blade in hand, he pressed the metal against the pale skin of his thigh, hesitantly. he supposes phichit is a friend. actually, he's more of a best friend and he's been there for yuuri on multiple occasions. but phichit was so kind and friendly, yuuri couldn't possibly burden him with a problem like yuuri's own self-destruction. he should be focused on skating and making thailand proud. yuuri thinks he should be doing the same (skating, he means) but his mind is elsewhere.  
his trembling fingers press the blade into his skin. guilt washed over him before any fulfillment can when he thinks of viktor. viktor. what would he say to yuuri if he saw what the boy was doing to himself? yuuri knows viktor loves him but a part of him can't help but think viktor would leave if he found out about this moment. a tear falls onto his upper thigh and yuuri shakes his head. he needs to calm down. he knows everyone cares for him. well, almost everyone.  
out of anger, the blade jams deeper and rougher into his skin. remorse turned to lividness. the russian punk. what a fitting name for him. yuuri thinks about the other yuri and how apathetic he can be. getting mad over silly things. like someone having the same name as him? how fucking pathetic. and stupid. yuuri also takes into consideration how stupid he's being. he realizes he has no room to talk.  
yuuri's blood had already made its way onto the bathroom floor when the knock on the door became louder and louder.  
"yuuuuurrrriiii! i'm home and getting very impatient." the familiar russian voice sounded. it was enough to make yuuri scramble in a hurry as he wet his hair and wrapped a towel around his waist in an attempt to make it look like he had just gotten out of the shower. his hands were still shaking. eyes were still glossy.  
the door finally opened and a smiling viktor became visible. he hurried past yuuri to the toilet and unzipped his pants. yuuri blushed (because of he still wasn't used to viktors 'confidence') and turned away.  
"did you enjoy your shower, yuuri?" viktor made conversation. the smaller boy mumbles a quiet, "yes". viktor smiles while zipping up and flushing.  
"ah. you must've because you certainly took your time," he turns on the faucet to wash his hands, his smile growing. "and all the hot water."  
drying his hands and turning around, viktor finally gets a better look at yuuri. puffy eyes, shaky hands, and quick glances to the floor. quickly thinking, viktor decides to pry but not too much; he wants yuuri to feel safe with him.  
"maybe you should change out of your towel, katsudon. you're shivering." the man holds out his hand for yuuri to take but the boy stays there standing, hugging himself.  
"i'm sorry, viktor." yuuri whispers.  
"why, there's nothing to be sorry about-"  
"please. i need to talk." viktor is taken back but nods his head.  
"i...i think i need a break," yuuri sounds broken but eventually gains some confidence. "or-or something, because i can't keep living this way. i mean, im so scared- no worried. worried about everything. i love you viktor, you're helping me so much just by staying with me. but i need more and, and i'm sorry if i'm asking too much because having you here is more than you should have to do. i appreciate you so much, don't get me wrong. i..." yuuri realizes his blabbering, but he really can't help it. he's held so much in for so long. "i think. i need more than one mind. because mine's a little messed up."  
yuuri bites his lip because of he's just so fucking scared of viktors response. and viktor's not really helping because he's registering all this information but then he says,  
"i'm so lucky to have you." that's all he says. and yuuri's jaw drops. everything about viktor is perfect. nothing could ruin this moment and-oh.  
the blood is now dripping down his leg.  
he breaks eye contacts with the older man.  
he bends down to clean his mess, revealing the cuts.  
viktor takes control and picks yuuri up and setting him on the counter to clean his boy up. vickor is used to fixing him up because of how badly bruised yuuri's feet get from skating.  
while washing the cuts up, viktor speaks a sentence that yuuri widens and also begins to tear up.  
"i will take place of the blade; you will come to me when your mind gets too much and i promise you, yuuri, you will never have to do this again."  
"oh, thank you so much viktor, i-" yuuri gets cut off.  
"but that doesn't mean i will fight your battles. we will fight them together. i regret not noticing this sooner." they had cleaned up and were nestled in yuuri's bed. traces of tension were found in yuuri's eyes and how often they shifted to viktor and the tv. shaky hands fiddled with the blanket; twisting it and rubbing it. yuuri's head was racing. viktor had found out his most important secret and was acting like nothing happened? anxiety got the best of the younger boy as a skinny finger found its way to his thigh, dragging down angrily.  
light blue eyes looked to the side and saw yuuri. long, slender fingers grab onto the smaller hand, holding it into the olders. a kiss was pressed to the intertwined hands. yuuri let out a sigh and realized maybe he was a bit messed up, but that didn't mean he didn't deserve the love that everyone showed him. and when he didn't always see that, viktor was right there to help him.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm new to this website, so i'm sorry if i dont use things correctly. this website confuses me.


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